Michael's Thoughts

I have not been able to sleep. I have been up crying the last two nights. I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Hard time? Miss my son? Miss my brother? And I have realized it was all of the above. I recently was looking at the blogs that were about you. And I got so upset. I see the NEVER FORGET and I wish I could take a chisle and scratch it off. Everyone has forgotten. No one gets it. This family has never really been the closest but whatever wedge was there has now become a full on severed arm. I miss you man. You were the only person I ever confided in. And I knew more about you than anyone in this world ever will. I am so sad and mad about everything. That you won't ever meet my little boy. I play with him and wish you could see him crawl and laugh and smile. I wish we could take our boys camping together like we always said we would. I wish we could sit and watch football and laugh together. You were my only link to this family and now you are gone. My best and only friend in the entire world. My little boy will never know you or meet you or have an uncle. I'll never have my brother to talk about how annoying women are or what kind of car we will get our sons when they turn sixteen. Sometimes I wish I had gone because maybe things would be different or better for everyone. Maybe there never would have been a wedge to severe his arm. But I just look at my little Guy and know he would never have been if that was the case. He may have never been if things hadn't happened the way they did. I feel guilty for that sometimes. My son for my brother. It just wasn't fair the way things work. I barely talk to anyone anymore. And when I say I miss my brother I get the f...ing cliche answer. Talk and he will listen. Well that's crap if you ask me. I talk until I'm blue in the face and hear nothing back. Or feel any relief. I try to do everything I can do to make things better yet nothing changes and the things that do seem to change for the worse. Is there ever going to be any relief in this world? Will my son grow up in an unfair unpredictable world? Will it take another life for everyone to realize that it wasn't never to forget you? That would be impossible. It was to NEVER FORGET us. The ones that are left behind. The parents that lost a son, the siblings that lost a brother, the child that lost a father, the children that lost an uncle. That's what it meant. Please Jimmy let me be wrong. Let it be true that you can hear us talk to you. Please, my only brother and my best friend. Please remind us what it truely means to NEVER FORGET. I love you man.

Remembering again

Another early morning and thinking of you. The weather this fall is so much like it was two years ago. The sun has been beautiful in the afternoon and I have been reminded of the fishing trip with Bro. Bruton to Henry's Lake. The next two months will be full of memories of you and I wanted to let you know that I miss you very much. I hope you are very busy where you are now and that you are doing the things that please you.

Love,

Dad